HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
An incredible book, written a long time ago (1936) about the importance of how you interact with other humans, what drives them and how (as the book suggests) win friends, influence people and generally help people get the most out of themselves and as part of a team. A must read for any business person, entrepreneur or human.
“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” ~ Dale Carnegie
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~ Dale Carnegie
Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handing People
Chapter 1: If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.
This is a great chapter that covers Abraham Lincoln, business professionals and many others who have learned the valuable lesson that criticism of others will do nothing more than force people to be defensive and it is a poor way to lead, manage and make friends.
Instead, find a kind way to approach people, criticism almost never helps. Rather, try to understand people, figure out why they do what they do.
LESSON: Don’t condemn people, try to understand them. To know all is to forgive all. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Chapter 2: The big secret of dealing with people
The DESIRE to be important. It is such a powerful desire that some people even go insane or change their identity to do it. It has been documented back to as far as there have been humans.
I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset that I posses. And the way to develop the best that is in a person, is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work so I’m anxious to praise but loathe to find fault.
Praise and recognition are the big idea here, often times we forget to praise the people who work for us and with us. Constant praise is the best way to keep people productive and happy. Be careful however that praise and recognition are not FLATTERY. One is sincere and the other is NOT sincere. The first one helps and the second one hurts.
LESSON: Share sincere praise and recognition OFTEN.
Chapter 3: He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
When you bait the hook, bait the hook with what the fish want, not what you want. To get a fish to do the thing you want, you have to give the fish what IT wants.
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as your own.” ~ Henry Ford
If you get just one thing from this book, it’s this. Try to see things from OTHER people’s perspective as opposed to your own. It will likely be the building block of your career. Don’t scold, rather praise. More from Chapter 2.
LESSON: Arouse in the other person an EAGER want.
Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You
Chapter 1: Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere
A dog is the only animal who doesn’t have to work for a living, it just has to give you LOVE. Be genuinely interested in other people. We are interested in others when they are interested in us.
LESSON: Become genuinely interested in other people.
Chapter 2: A simple way to make a good first impression
SMILE! There is a lot of discussion of manifestation in this chapter but the simple idea is that when you’re happy, you radiate from your being joy, other people will be joyful back. LIKE attracts LIKE.
“Nothing is good or bad, but thought makes it so.”
Your thoughts, your emotions and your state of being (outward smile) will manifest the world you want to live in.
Chapter 3: If you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble
First names matter, not just for politicians but for business people. Everybody loves when they hear their first name and you recognized people this way. The name sets the individual apart.
LESSON: The persons name is the sweetest sound and the most important sound in any language.
Chapter 4: An easy way to become a good conversationalist
Listening and asking questions makes you a good conversationalist. When someone wants to talk, stop what you’re doing and listen. Give that person your undivided attention.
Remember, any person you’re talking to is 100x more interested in their life, problems and wants than YOUR stuff. So, when you listen, not talk, you are allowing them to. Rather, LISTEN.
“A persons toothache means more to a person than a famine in China that kills thousands of people.” ~Dale Carnegie
LESSON: Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.
Chapter 5: How to interest people
Find the subjects that interest people most, learn about them and then be ready to discuss with those people. There is nothing that interests people more than discussing the things that interest them.
If you cannot get ahold of someone directly, work on the folks that can introduce you and find the interests of those people.
LESSON: Talk in terms of the other persons interests.
Chapter 6: How to make people like you instantly
Share joy, share love, share compliments, share happiness without ever asking for something in return. Be selfless with compliments and don’t expect anything back.
Sincere, heartfelt appreciation. Recognize others importance, they almost certainly feel superior to you in some way so recognize it and stroke the ego.
LESSON: Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 1: You can’t win an argument
Arguments cannot be won. Instead of entering into an argument, if one person has a strong opinion, just listen. Two people yelling or trying to convince the other person is just a ton of noise.
LESSON: The only way to get the best of an argument, is to avoid it.
Chapter 2: A sure way of making enemies – and how to avoid it
Very little good comes from flat out telling someone they are wrong even if they are absolutely wrong. Telling them will only harden them and force them to defend their position, will make them feel bad and generally is no way to get what you want.
LESSON: Never say, “you’re wrong”. Show some respect for the other persons opinions. And, if you’re wrong, ADMIT IT.
Chapter 3: If you’re wrong, admit it
If you’ve blown it and you’ve done something wrong, beat the other person to the punch and tell them that you’ve done something wrong, fall on the sword and admit it all.
Sometimes there are cultural items that get in the way, time has past, no matter what, if you cannot admit that you’re wrong immediately and emphatically, do it emphatically.
LESSON: Admit you’re wrong IMMEDIATELY & EMPHATICALLY.
Chapter 4: A drop of honey
When you come into a conversation with two fists up, almost without a doubt, the other person will have their two fists up as well. The sun smiles kindly and tells the wind that gentleness and friendliness are always stronger than fury and force.
The sun can make you take off your coat more easily than the wind.
LESSON: Begin in a friendly way.